The world has gone mad...

So again I forgot that I have a blog, but in moments like today I need to get out my emotion and my thoughts. So much going on! I just really cannot quite process it and I need to so here goes:

First off my brother in law's wife is filing for divorce after one year. He came down here to just think things through. He is a great guy, I have seen him grow from a 16 year old kid to a 23 year old man who is trying to grow in his life, figure out what his passions are and grow in his walk with God. I see a man who admits he doesn't have all the answers, is becoming passionate about finding out what he is passionate about and is an all around loyal person. I reminded him that James (My husband, his brother) didn't realize what he wanted to do after he got out of the Marine Corps (Semper Fi!) until this year! 4 years! I see a man who I still view as a kid, (even though I am only a few year older than he, and he is not a kid anymore) making a decision that not many people make:

to fight for his wife.

He said he is not signing any papers, which she is so flipped upside down and turned inside out angry about.

he is going to fight for his wife.

How many people are willing to do that? Is that foolish? As I was counseling him and listening to the advice others gave him, I thought 'Is this foolish and irresponsible to tell to someone to stay and fight for someone who hates him?' His wife is clearly not in love with him possibly never has been (though I highly doubt that)....she has made it abundantly clear in her words and actions that she pretty much detests who he is and everything he is. Quite honestly I don't think
she knows who he is.

Or who she is.

Or what she wants and how to get there.

Honestly there could be a million and one different reasons to how she went from love to hate in just one year...(or less), why did she push marriage and than decide she doesn't love him? Why do people do this to each other and to themselves? She freely admits he has done nothing bad to her she just doesn't want him, doesn't think he has "it", doesn't want someone like him...(someone to love her? Who treats her with kindness and respect and support? That's right she said she wants someone who she has to get. She is "all about getting" and not being cramped) yikes.

I would like to say to her, that there is a WHOLE BIG HUGE WORLD out there. There is a lovely world with love, friendship, laughter, family, good times, fabulous glorious places, new foods to try, sights to see, people to meet, places to go...There is also a huge whole world out there with wars, famine, disease, loneliness, hate, anger, poverty. Even middle ground, there are places right around the corner from where we all live where we wouldn't go, there are people on our own streets, in our lives that would love to be loved and are not. The world is a big place full of things good and bad. I wish she could look outside of herself for a moment and see what it is that is making her only see herself...Why throw it away? Why take for granted that you have someone who loves you, just because hey don't have the "it" factor that you think he should have....

I would like to tell her that there are no guarantees in life...there are no guarantees you will find someone who will be all that you expect them to be when you are not willing to look inside of yourself...

I heard a great sermon the other day at church given by two college kids who have been in the Amazon jungle for the last few weeks. One said: He would rather go by the narrow gate as it is hard because hard thing is often the right thing to do; the other said he needed to set his compass not to his own desires but to God's compass. I think Niccole's compass is off. I love her. I cannot judge her i can only love her. I can only tell her my advice, my experience, but she has to experience it on her own. Everybody does. I talked to her today and she said how much she does not love my brother in law. I hope it works out for them both I think they will both regret not keeping what they have. I think of the times that my own marriage seemed like it was not gonna make it one more day and I am so thankful I never quit at it because we have some great times.

I step into his shoes; he loves her so he fights for her. Why give up someone that you love when you can try to pursue them? She says there was never any pursuit in their relationship but he is pursuing her now! She says there is no romance...but what I ask is more romantic than someone taking all your punches and pursuing you anyway? I am reminded of how undeserving of God's love WE are and yet! He pursues us! He relentlessly pursues us when we fight to get away from him, He fights to keep us. What better love story is that? Sadly, I am guessing even this, this pride cutting, hurtful action of pursuing and fighting through bitter rejection won't be enough to satiate what she thinks she is missing.

I step into her shoes: Not sure of who she is, she thought marriage would change her and she thought the little "annoying" things he did would disappear...she practiced, literally practiced baking apple pies for months and decorated and redecorated their house, and set up bank accounts for kids...but these little "acts" these"behaviors" were just that...acts. Motions. They weren't enough to fulfill her. Marriage won't change realities and personalities. No magic spark exploded in the night sky as they married at Sunset in Jamaica. The female emotional mind can be a VERY powerful thing! Men often struggle with visual temptation, I think as women we struggle with emotional temptation! It is tempting to think of what we DON'T have in a man....someone better looking, someone smarter, "cooler", more interesting, and most importantly, someone more romantic who is going to love us exactly the way we think we ought to be loved. This is false. Shallow...a dangerous way to think because the daydreams of that almost become an addiction and you need to FIND that feeling when you have the real THING sitting right in front of you!

SO I know that divorce happens every day, but why? I just ask the question again, how do people gof rom complete love to complete hate in less than a year when no incident happened? I mean, I guess I had experienced that in relationships before I was married...you think you love someone to have that grow cold...but...how? How does that happen so soon after you decide to get married and start a life together? She wants freedom but from what?

Okay, case in point #2 on why the world is going mad in my viewpoint today: My friends work truck was vandalized last night...flattened tires, anti-Christian drawings, inside and out smeared with Crisco, and marshmallow peeps. What gives someone the right to to do that to anther's property?

#3: We took our neighbor to the hospital today because he needed surgery on his broken hand, He is a single father of 3 today was his birthday. Well, when my husband went to pick him up at the hospital and they had transferred him to ER because he had amnesia from the anesthesia., My husband sat with him for 5 hours until finally they said they would admit him. The poor guys was in tears, didn't know his name, didn't know he had children, wanted to know why, if he had kids, was his wife not at the hospital but rather a neighbor? So my husband said, well Dave, you are divorced which set the guy off even more in tears and fear. My husband, an US Marine who has been to Iraq said he couldn't believe the fear in Dave's eyes when he realized he didn't know who he was. I have never heard of people getting amnesia from anesthesia; they say he must have had an allergic reaction and they don't know how long it will last. In the meantime us neighbors were taking care of his children while his ex-wife cannot get off of work until tomorrow. I just think there is no common sense there. Ex wife or not her children need her. It made me reflect that even though financially we are struggling and broke and late on bills etc etc, I am thankful and glad that we are like minded my husband and I, we have been through the fire from his PTSD, to deployments, to going to war, etc etc. We have been through it and God has always taken us through and each time we come through we are deeper in love. I am thankful that while we are broke, we have each other and our children are our priority and we will do whatever it takes to make sure our children are never alone or without. I am thankful for the perseverance we both have could have easily given up but have not, and I am thankful that we have our health.

So in closing, I guess I just dont understand with the world as crazy and mad as it is, with the whole big huge world people all seem to get so self focused and so one minded that no one can see outside the box they have built around self unless it suits them...people are so self focused on self help, self realization...

people leave their committments, vows, hopes, dreams and spouses,

desert their kids, don't reach out to someone in need, treat other people and their property how ever they FEEL like it.

I think people need to stop doing what they FEEL like and what SUITS SELF, but start to look outside to what is uncomfortable and tiring...to what can serve others, our fellow man? Find how can they honor their neighbors? How can they love and be there unconditionally for their children even if there emotional needs are tired out and frazzled??

Perhaps in helping out, in loving when it is hard or when it doesnt feel like love, perhaps THAN, we will know what happiness and contentment really are.

Fight when it is hard.

Love even when the feeling is not there.

Take the narrow gate.

Than, we can know what life is all about.

Thank you for reading.,

God Bless you Jesus loves you.

Lara